Midnight Thoughts

July 1, 2018

12:36AM

I feel so sick to my stomach 

Sick of being surrounded but alone 

Sick of smiling when I want to be crying 

I’m shaking trying to suppress 

My body aches of the dis-ease of my soul 

I can never shut it off 

Over and over and over it comes back 

This weight of everything I am and everything I’m not 

Just handle it 

Be patient 

We need you to understand 

I’m dramatic 

Neurotic 

Selfish 

The self proclaimed victim 

But no sees that I’m dying inside 

This weight crushes every inch of my being 

I pray to God above to carry it with me 

I fear He doesn’t hear me 

What if it’s all to break me down to build me up 

He lets them do what they want because I’m not supposed to be this way anyway 

But I can’t do it anymore 

I am their burden 

Their cried out neurotic burden 

I am sick to my stomach to think they only come to leave 

I would rather be my own burden 

Sit in silence in my numbness

Do not awake me 

Do not ignite me 

Leave me be to spare us all