The Confessions of a Real Life Bastard: On Love & On Purpose

January 09, 2020 | 2:17AM

Sharu Estoney

How do you sum up twenty-five years on to an acceptable amount of pages before it all fades away and you become dust? I’m writing this for that little girl. You know, the one that has dreams bigger than her reality. The one that gets lost in her head picturing how wonderful twenty-five will be and how one day her eight year old self is going be so far behind and none of this will even matter anymore. In all honesty, I’m writing this to my little girl, and to the little girl that used to be me. Hey kid, it’s twenty-five year old you.

We can start from the beginning so you and I can take a walk down memory lane. My name is a name most commonly given to sweet elderly ladies, a name bestowed to me after the great Sharon Stone (a.k.a. Sharu Estoney as the Brazilians pronounce it), which my wonderful aunt decided would set the path before me to my glorious destiny. When in reality, a few hours before I was named, I came into the world a literal bastard to a single immigrant mother who was only able to afford my birth because the hospital was having a three thousand dollar childbirth special that month. (At least you chose a good month to come into the world, kid.) My father was no where in sight for months out somewhere starting another family for himself. Named after the Basic Instincts goddess, there I lay, all eight pounds of newborn bastardness to a mother who thought I was just the bad symptoms of the flu. And henceforth, your life begins.

I’m sharing this for me. To make sense of the things no one talks about, or are just afraid of talking about. These are stories of healing, of getting close to Jesus, of straying away, of falling in and out of love. Stories of pain, of beauty, of things most people don’t know about me. These are my stories. No one ever needs to read this, but for some sanity I need to let these thoughts out. I need to exhale the emotion and breathe in the letting go that comes with writing. Welcome, to anyone who’s stopping by. To those that are returning. May we sit and enjoy a cup of coffee and learn to be a person in this world together. May we find love, and purpose.